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A series of discussions on how to overcome Childhood Sexual Abuse or Trauma based on the sister’s personal experience.
Episodes
Wednesday Feb 05, 2020
Wednesday Feb 05, 2020
We have a lot to be proud of in this country as our actions clearly display our hunger for change, our ability to identify we all have rights and through the use of our voice’s we have brought about change, and put the rights of our citizens first, something our governments have had to be forced to do. e.g. Abortion, same sex marriage and divorce time scale.
Our willingness to stand together is where the strength lies and once again, we need to do this. We are not like the generations before us who felt the government knew best or worse still believed they had no choice; we realise by speaking up as an issue is identified means we do not have to pay the consequences later and although in this case we might be too late as they have already created a myriad of damage, however, it does not have to be allowed to continue causing the usual generational damage.
The latest guidelines introduced by TUSLA we feel is the last straw, they are now stating that if a victim accuses someone of abuse the alleged perpetrator has the right to question the accuser. The guidelines have been set and they are already training social workers to carry this task out.
Why is it down to us to do this, we may ask, but as we know it is only through us standing together the government are forced into action. Even now there is seldom a day goes by when we don’t read something about TUSLA’s incompetence, yet they are allowed to carry on. TUSLA’s remit is in child protection and welfare services, educational and welfare services, psychological services, alternative care, family and locally based community services, early years services and domestic, sexual and gender based violent services.
ABC- (Alliance of Birth Mothers Campaign)
Mr Pat Rabbitte – Chairperson Tusla
Sunday Feb 02, 2020
Sunday Feb 02, 2020
'Trigger Warning' if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse please remember the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 24-Hour Helpline 1800 77 8888
In today’s podcast (episode 18) ‘Finding Our Own Way!’ we will be discussing the role the church played in encouraging and maintaining an environment where child sexual abuse was allowed to continue with impunity.
The church's approach to sex and sexuality not only caused immense pain and suffering, but as victims of child sexual abuse, it compounded the shame and self-hatred we already felt.
The shame also encouraged secrecy and silence, and their teachings ensured men and women were treated differently, promoting gender inequality. This managed to create an environment where men became dominant and women submissive.
They preached that natural human desires were sinful. Even married couples were told that they should not engage in sexual intimacy unless it was to procreate. This unnatural state of abstinence only heightened the attraction to sex while ensuring it remained viewed as dirty, disgusting and sinful.
How could anyone feel good about themselves while upholding those beliefs. The destruction to our psyche while constantly having to return to the church seeking forgiveness and praying for the strength to be a good worthy person.
We hope by sharing our experiences we can encourage healthy questioning regardless of your faith, if the message is true it can and should encourage scrutiny. We feel without challenging our own beliefs we would continue to surfer feeling unworthy without ever really understanding why.
Please share and spread the word……
Take care
Joyce, June and Paula
Sunday Jan 26, 2020
Sunday Jan 26, 2020
Episode 17 – Forgiveness
'Trigger Warning' if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse please remember the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 24-Hour Helpline 1800 77 8888
In today’s podcast (episode 17) ‘The Power of Letting Go!’ we will be discussing forgiveness, who benefits from forgiveness and why should sexually abuse survivors even consider forgiving their abuser.
We understand the pictures conjured up by the very word forgiveness and the immediate resistance that jumps to the surface. But for us, when we replaced the word ‘forgiveness’ with ‘letting go’ it made it a lot easier to explore the possibilities of taking that step.
We are not suggesting that if you choose to go down the path of forgiveness that your abuser or any abuser is forgiven for their actions, or that they do not suffer the consequences of those actions. Being held accountable is a vital part of moving forward. Rather we want you to think of exactly who is suffering by you holding onto the pain and suffering that your abuser caused.
We all struggled with the concept of forgiveness for a long time and for each of us this step meant different things at different times in our lives. We understand that letting go of your past although essential, is not easy and is more of a process that happens in layers. However, we know that allowing our dad to continue to take up space in our heads wasn’t hurting him but was in fact, destroying us.
The word forgiveness itself was a barrier to us moving forward as it conjured up images of sitting with him and playing happy families and to us that was inconceivable. But forgiving someone does not require that you ever have to have them in your life. Over time and through many discussions we realised just how much of our own precious time was taken up with thoughts of him.
We each discovered our own way of letting him go. Letting go of all pain and suffering that he caused was a vital part of our recovery. This is not something that happens easily or quickly, but in the letting go we allowed space for healing.
We hope by sharing our experiences we can demonstrate that not only is forgiveness possible but necessary for your healing. The one who benefits the most from letting go is YOU, not him. You deserve to move forward unencumbered by the past. Forgiveness or letting go will provide you with the opportunity to live a life you were meant to live, free from pain.
Please share and spread the word……
Take care
Joyce, June and Paula
Sunday Jan 19, 2020
Sunday Jan 19, 2020
Inequality Impacts Us All
'Trigger Warning' if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse please remember the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 24-Hour Helpline 1800 77 8888
In today’s podcast (episode 16) ‘Inequality Impacts Us All’ we will be discussing gender inequality and in particular how male privilege can have such negative outcomes for us all.
Gender inequality and male privilege has caused so much pain for both men and women. What can be more surprising however, is the fact that it is so ingrained within our society that it very often goes undetected, especially by those that are in a position of privilege.
As survivors of childhood sexual abuse male privilege has impacted every aspect of our lives and thinking. It took a long time for us to understand that men are just as impacted by inequality as women. Stereotyping people by gender has created false, unattainable images that we are now expected to live up to. Things such as, men don’t cry, and women are natural caregivers. Holding onto these beliefs causes so much pain especially to those individuals that don’t fit into these categories.
We believe that it is important for us all to realise the enormous benefits for each of us in living in a world where we are all equal and each of our contributions are valued regardless of our gender. We may have to get creative and find ways to help each other realise that we will all gain, not lose something when equality comes with this realisation, we can begin to make the necessary changes.
If any person feels that they are somehow more entitled than others purely based on their gender this creates a toxic environment that impacts us all. The most important thing we can do is become aware and this can happen through conversations around your thinking and acting in your own world, following this we can look outside ourselves and examine the perceptions we hold.
We hope by sharing our experiences we can encourage discussions about what does it mean to be a man or woman and how do we treat each other based on our thoughts
Please share and spread the word……
Take care
Joyce, June and Paula
Sunday Jan 12, 2020
Sunday Jan 12, 2020
'Trigger Warning' if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse please remember the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 24-Hour Helpline 1800 77 8888
In today’s podcast (episode 15) ‘Why is it so difficult to put ourselves first?’ we will be discussing self-care, its importance and why survivors of childhood sexual abuse find it difficult to recognise they are neglecting their own needs.
Looking after others was ingrained in us from birth. We grew up in a culture where women were taught to ignore their own needs while taking care of men, home and children.
We really struggled with not only recognising our needs, but believing we had the right have them or give them priority. We believe women in general suffer, prioritising themselves, but this too is exaggerated in victims of childhood sexual abuse because of the damage to their self-worth.
The first step to making any changes in your life is awareness. Once you are aware of the problem and how damaging it is to your life, you can begin making the necessary changes. It is not selfish to put yourself first. In fact it makes sense to, because only then are you better able to help others.
We hope by sharing our experiences we can help others look at how well/badly they take care of themselves or if changes are needed to improve that aspect of their life. Self-care should be a priority as it is vitally important for good physical and mental health.
Please share and spread the word……
Take care
Joyce, June and Paula
Sunday Dec 01, 2019
Sunday Dec 01, 2019
'Trigger Warning' if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse please remember the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 24-Hour Helpline 1800 77 8888
In today’s podcast (episode 14) ‘Learning from Others’ we will be discussing reading and writing as a tool to help you heal from childhood sexual abuse.
Reading and writing for us, was an essential part of our healing journey. We found that reading stories about others who had experienced abuse and managed to somehow overcome its many impacts, was reassuring and gave us hope that there was a way forward.
No one knows your story but you, however, unfortunately there are millions of other victims of abuse that have experienced similar pain and suffering. It is together that we are best able to support one another by sharing our stories and hopefully this helps you to know that you are not alone.
We found that both reading and writing provided us with a way to access memories and unexplained thoughts and behaviours that kept us locked in a cycle of self-hatred and mental anguish. Reading gave us a level of comfort of knowing we were not mad or crazy and that our actions were a perfectly normal response to our abuse. Writing allowed us to examine the details of our past, where our thoughts came from and why we behaved the way we did in particular situations. It showed us just how innocent we were and gave us invaluable information on how we could change and let go of the rage and pain that we had held for so long.
One of our favourite quotes from the inspirational Maya Angelou is ‘When you get – give, when you learn-teach. These words mean so much to us and we hope that by sharing our experiences and what we found useful we can help others to see there is life after abuse after all.
Please share and spread the word……
Take care
Joyce, June and Paula
Sunday Nov 24, 2019
Sunday Nov 24, 2019
'Trigger Warning' if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse please remember the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 24-Hour Helpline 1800 77 8888
In today’s podcast we will be discussing finding support and professional help. We know just how difficult it is to go it alone without support, and the fear involved in reaching out for help. It can feel like confessing to a crime as you are unsure and confused about your victim-hood. The fear may result in you thinking that you have survived this long without any help so why should anything be different now, but honestly, this is a long road and at times full of pain and suffering, and having someone to lean on even if it’s just ringing a helpline can make all the difference to your recovery.
Although we had the same abuser (our father), we each experienced our abuser, our abuse, and the manner in which we overcame the horrendous impacts, differently. We really hope that by sharing our experience you will be encouraged to see the benefits of seeking professional help. And even more importantly, that you understand yourself and how you heal. Who you share your journey with is entirely up to you. Choice is a luxury that was taken from all victims of sexual abuse and reclaiming yours is key to taking back your life.
Attending a professional will allow you a safe place to explore your memories and a good professional will help you get through the tough times. The process of healing should always feel like something that is done with you not to you.
On our website (link below) is numerous contact details for services that we feel are best suited to help you heal from sexual abuse.
Please share and spread the word……
Take care
Joyce, June and Paula
Sunday Nov 17, 2019
Sunday Nov 17, 2019
'Trigger Warning' if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse please remember the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 24-Hour Helpline 1800 77 8888
In today’s podcast we will be discussing the importance of taking that first step on the road to healing from childhood sexual abuse, disclosure.
We are all too aware of how difficult telling someone about your experience of sexual abuse is and understand that very often it can feel more like a confession than the reporting of a crime. However, the truth is, telling your story will allow you to say out loud, probably for the first time, exactly who is responsible and it will provide you with the opportunity to see how you were a victim and in no way responsible for anything that happened to you.
We all disclosed at different times and to different people when we were young, a doctor, a priest and a friend all to no avail. It took us many years after that to take the chance to speak up again, and to be honest, if our hand had not been forced, we don’t know if we would still be holding onto the secret today.
We can all say that the holding onto the secret of our abuse left us all merely existing trying to get by with no real sense of joy or happiness. We also know that disclosing our story happened over a long time and in stages as remembering the full extent of our abuse in one go is not the way it tends to happen.
We hope that sharing our experience will help everyone understand the importance of encouraging and supporting disclosure and ensure the relevant supports are put in place when they do.
Please share and spread the word……
Take care
Joyce, June and Paula
Sunday Nov 10, 2019
Sunday Nov 10, 2019
'Trigger Warning' if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse please remember the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 24-Hour Helpline 1800 77 8888
In today’s podcast we will be discussing secondary victims of childhood sexual abuse.
Secondary victims of childhood sexual abuse are everywhere and go largely unacknowledged and unsupported. It is not only members of the victim’s immediate family but partners, children, friends and colleagues. Each one is uniquely impacted even if they are not aware.
Family, partners and children of victims carry the guilt, shame and sense of responsibility that is not theirs to begin with. We know only too well how our own children and partners have suffered from the impacts of this crime and how our journey to discover who we really are has often left those closest to us feeling isolated and confused.
We believe our communities and culture is shaped by the scale of the contributing negative impacts. We believe, however, that how we develop as a society would improve if we stopped turning a blind eye to the needs of primary and secondary victims of childhood sexual abuse.
We hope that sharing our experience will help you understand the importance of acknowledging the need to support everyone involved and how with the right support and communication your relationship can grow stronger than ever.
Please share and spread the word……
Take care
Joyce, June and Paula
Sunday Nov 03, 2019
Sunday Nov 03, 2019
'Trigger Warning' if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse please remember the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 24-Hour Helpline 1800 77 8888
In today’s podcast we will be discussing Mothers, and in particular, the differences in our individual relationships with our mother. We are aware that our experience may not reflect other victims of abuse, but we hope that by sharing our story, we can encourage open discussions around mothers, their roles and societies totally unrealistic expectations of women in general.
Our relationship with our father who controlled our home and everyone in it, was in some ways clearer to explore than our relationship with our mother.
As with all things to do with childhood sexual abuse, nothing is black and white and the complexities of growing up with a non-abusing parent can be just as difficult to understand and equally painful to explore.
We talk about just how the need to survive and the methods we each used often made it next to impossible to make any real connections to our mother who herself was shut down and locked into her own hell.
We hope that sharing our experience will help you understand the importance of examining your family relationships as there are benefits to understanding how each member of a family is impacted by the abuser.
It is important to be kind to yourself and acknowledge you have a right to feel anger and resentment for not receiving the nurturing you needed and longed for as a child. Give yourself time to grieve for that loss and acknowledge just how resilient you are to have survived, in spite of all the obstacles you faced.
Please share and spread the word……
Take care
Joyce, June and Paula